Control what you can, let go what you cannot

If you only read one paragraph from this post, let it be this:

Did you learn the right lesson?

If I don’t treat losses as lessons, I’m missing a great chance to improve. But honestly, it’s never that simple. From a single experience, there can be an infinite number of possible takeaways. More than once, I've focused on the wrong lesson. This question, "Did you learn the right lesson?" is the key I found to unlocking the right door.

Life is wise. If I miss a lesson once, it tends to come back later like a boomerang, making sure I truly learn it this time.

Control what you can, let go what you cannot. 
This has been my most recurring life medicine. Only recently have I learned to embrace it.

February and March 2020 were a true "momento bisagra" (hinge moment). Those two months were a ride from the summit of euphoria to the basement of lows. Yes, the start of the C-19 era.

Picture this: you’ve landed your dream job. Everything is in place. A new city, a lifestyle you’ve imagined, and the chance to do something you love. The bags packed, the plane ticket in hand. You can’t stop counting the days. And then, two weeks right before you board the plane.

The company shuts down (+ the world).

I had worked so hard to get to this point, and it felt like everything I’d built was erased. Like all my efforts would never lead to results. It wasn’t a job in my case. It was a sports opportunity I lost, ticket in hand, and my single plan for life after high school. I had poured my whole self into it.

I didn’t take it well. Lost and unsure, I hold to a takeaway: Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Play it safe. So that’s what I did. I played it safe, with backups, alternatives, and “security.” And the rest is history.

Years later, while collecting great questions. I stumbled upon this one: Did you learn the right lesson? I thought I had… but did I?

This is why I love that question so much. It reminds me that every experience holds many lessons. And only a panoramic view will help you reveal the right one.

Looking back, I see that my problem wasn’t the goal or my all-in focus approach. I had done everything in my control. The challenge came from how I interpreted the lesson. To this day, I’m still unlearning the “play it safe” mindset. It runs deep.

The best way I’ve found to never forget this takeaway is by seeing life as a system, an interconnected universe. In every system, you have inputs, processes, outputs, and feedback.

We obsess over outputs (what we want to achieve), but knowing them doesn’t make them real. The first and second-place finishers in any competition had the same goal: to win. And the processes for getting there are often straightforward. Usually, it’s about repeating what’s proven to work. The process shouldn’t be a mystery or complicated; use what works, again and again. The true difference lies in the inputs.

Inputs are what you can control: what you do, see, eat, listen to, say, and think. They’re the raw material of your process. Focus on inputs and let outputs take care of themselves. And if the feedback shows that something needs to change to achieve an output. Make adjustments in what you control >>> inputs.

Why do I love this idea (thanks to Sam Ovens)?
Because there's some magic in it.

The magic of focusing on what you can control is the freedom from what you can’t. From people’s opinions, others' reactions, weather, traffic, world events, markets, and everything else beyond your inputs.

You may be spiritual or not. Here's something that has helped me.
“Give me the strength to change the things I can. The serenity to accept the things I can’t change. And the wisdom to know the difference.”

And for anyone who’s ever been one step away from a dream plan, only to lose it. If you are still after it, “what is delayed is not denied.”

Take care)
Mateo